How Long After Burial Can You Put Up a Headstone?

There is no national law that says how long you must wait to put a headstone on a grave. The cemetery sets its own rules, and many families wait several months after the burial, mainly so the soil can settle before a heavy stone goes on it. Flat markers can often go on sooner than upright stones, and you can start designing and ordering well before the stone is set.

Why is there a wait before a headstone goes up?

When a grave is dug and filled, the soil is loosened and air is trapped in it. Over the following weeks and months, rain and the weight of the earth compact it, and the surface sinks. A stone set on top of ground that is still moving can settle unevenly, lean or crack.

The same logic is behind vaults and grave liners. The FTC notes that outer burial containers are not required by state law anywhere in the US, but that many cemeteries require them to prevent the grave from caving in. A vault limits how far the middle of the grave can sink, but the backfilled soil around it can still move, so cemeteries often keep their waiting rules even when a vault was used. Our guide to grave liners and burial vaults explains the difference.

How long do most cemeteries make you wait?

It varies. Because no law sets it, the timing comes from the cemetery's rules and the installer's judgment, and those differ by region, soil, climate and the type of marker. A cemetery in a freeze-and-thaw climate may want a full season to pass, while another may allow a stone sooner.

What is usually true:

• Upright monuments are heavier and need a foundation, so they usually have the longest wait.
• Flat or flush markers are lighter and sit at ground level, so cemeteries often allow them sooner.
• Some cemeteries pour the foundation themselves and decide when the ground is ready. Others approve the monument company's work.

For scale, the VA's standard upright granite or marble headstone is 42 inches long, 13 inches wide and 4 inches thick and weighs about 230 pounds, and its flat granite or marble marker weighs about 130 pounds. Privately bought monuments can be much larger.

Can you order a headstone before the wait is over?

Yes. Ordering and setting are separate steps, and many families use the waiting period for the part that should not be rushed.

A common order of events is:

1. Find the cemetery's rules for your section: allowed types, sizes, materials and any approval process. Our guides to cemetery rules and regulations and headstone regulations cover what to ask.
2. Choose the type and material. The types of headstones and grave markers and headstone materials compared guides help here.
3. Decide the inscription. There is no hurry, and wording is hard to change once it is cut. See what to put on a headstone.
4. Get quotes and check what is included, such as the stone, lettering, foundation and setting. See headstone costs for what drives the price.
5. Submit the design for approval if the cemetery requires it, then schedule the setting with the cemetery or installer.

Custom stones and bronze work take longer to make than standard granite, and delivery times differ between companies, so ask the supplier for a date in writing instead of relying on a general estimate.

What marks the grave in the meantime?

Cemeteries and funeral homes usually put a temporary marker at the grave after a burial so it can be found. Ask what the cemetery provides, how long it stays and whether you can replace it with your own. Some families add a simple plaque or a small planting, but many cemeteries restrict what can be left on a grave, so check first. Our guide to grave decoration rules explains what is typically allowed.

What are the timelines in religious and cultural traditions?

Some traditions tie the marker to a date, not to the soil. Practices differ between communities, so ask a rabbi, imam, priest or other leader what your family follows.

Jewish tradition. My Jewish Learning says it is customary to set the marker and hold an unveiling after the Kaddish period, which is 11 months for parents and 30 days for other close relatives, but no later than a year after the death. Many families wait until almost the full year has passed, though it may be done sooner. In Israel the stone is usually placed soon after the first 30 days. Our Jewish funeral traditions guide explains the unveiling ceremony.

What about a veteran's headstone?

VA furnishes a government headstone or marker at no charge for the unmarked grave of an eligible veteran in any cemetery, regardless of the date of death. VA also furnishes a headstone or marker for an eligible veteran who died on or after November 1, 1990 and whose grave is marked with a privately purchased stone. You request one with VA Form 40-1330.

Who sets it depends on the cemetery:

• National, state and military cemeteries: cemetery staff order the stone from the inscription details the family provides, and in national, military post and military base cemeteries staff set it at no cost to the applicant.
• Private cemeteries: the family arranges for the stone to be set, and all setting fees are at private expense. The style must be permitted by the cemetery.

VA does not give a fixed delivery time. For a private cemetery, it says to call its Applicant Assistance Unit at 1-800-697-6947 if more than 30 days have passed since you submitted your claim and you are not sure it was received. If more than 60 days have passed and the grave is still unmarked, contact the cemetery or funeral home to see if the stone has arrived. See our guide to VA headstones and markers for eligibility and the application.

Mistakes that cause problems

• Ordering before checking the rules. A stone that does not meet the cemetery's size or material limits can be turned away. Get the rules before you pay a deposit.
• Rushing the wording. Take time to check spellings, dates and the exact text with everyone who needs to approve it.
• Not asking who sets it and what it costs. Setting and foundation fees are often separate from the price of the stone. Compare quotes on a like-for-like basis, as in our guide to headstone retailers compared.
• Assuming a vendor's estimate is the cemetery's rule. The cemetery decides when its own ground is ready.

What to do next

1. Call the cemetery office and ask for its marker rules, waiting period and approval process in writing.
2. Ask what temporary marker is in place and how long it stays.
3. Set a rough budget and begin getting quotes while the ground settles.
4. If a religious date applies, ask your clergy for the timing, and book the cemetery and installer ahead.

For the bigger picture, see our complete guide to memorials and headstones.