What to Put on a Headstone: Inscription Ideas and Rules

Most headstones carry the person's full name and their birth and death dates or years, often with a relationship such as "Beloved Wife and Mother" and a short epitaph. Beyond that, what you can put on a private headstone depends on the cemetery's rules, not a national law. Start with the essentials, keep the wording short, and check the cemetery's written rules before you approve anything.

What goes on a headstone?

Most families include some or all of these:

• Full name. Many people add a middle name, a nickname in quotation marks or a maiden name so future relatives and genealogists can find the person.
• Dates. Full dates, or just the years of birth and death. Either is common. Check them against the death certificate.
• A family role. "Beloved Husband," "Devoted Father," "Cherished Son," or similar.
• An epitaph. One line of your choosing: a phrase, a verse or a few words that sum the person up.
• A symbol or emblem. A cross, a Star of David, a military emblem, a flower or something tied to a passion such as music or fishing.
• A portrait or image. Often etched into dark granite, if the cemetery allows it.

There is no national rule on the wording of a private headstone. As an example of the kind of rules that do apply, the City of Madison, Wisconsin requires a monument contractor to submit each memorial's design and specifications to cemetery management for approval before construction. That is one cemetery's policy, not a standard, but the approval step is typical. See our guide to cemetery rules and regulations for what these documents cover.

What are good headstone inscription ideas?

A good epitaph is short, true to the person and still makes sense decades later. These categories may help you start. Treat them as prompts to adapt rather than text to copy.

Short and classic

• "Forever in our hearts"
• "Rest in peace"
• "Loved by all who knew them"
• "A life well lived"
• "Until we meet again"

Faith-based

• "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want." (Psalm 23:1, King James Version)
• "Well done, good and faithful servant." (Matthew 25:21)
• "In God's care"

Faith traditions often have their own customs for language, symbols and what is appropriate on a stone. If you are unsure, ask your clergy or the cemetery's religious section.

About who they were

• A role or trade: "Teacher. Gardener. Friend."
• A saying they were known for, if it will still read well in 50 years
• A single word that fits them: "Beloved," "Kind," "Home"

About the family

• "Together forever" on a shared stone
• The names of children or grandchildren, where space allows

If you want to quote a poem, song or author, confirm the exact wording and who wrote it before it goes on the stone. Misattributed quotations are very common online, and they are hard to correct once cut. Lines from songs and recent poems may also be under copyright, so check with your monument company if you are unsure.

How much text fits, and how do you keep it readable?

The amount of text depends on the size of the stone and the size of the lettering, so there is no standard word count. The cemetery may limit the stone itself. In Madison's cemetery, for example, markers have set minimum and maximum dimensions, and some sections require flush markers.

A few practical points:

• Fewer words means larger letters. If you want to say a lot, consider an online page and put only the name, dates and one line on the stone.
• Simple letterforms last. Plain serif or sans-serif lettering is easier to read from a distance than thin script, which can be hard to read once weathered.
• Contrast matters. Lettering should stand out clearly from the stone's surface.
• Leave room. On a shared stone, ask the monument company to lay out space for a second name and date.

Ask the company for a scaled drawing, called a proof or stencil, that shows exactly how the text sits on the stone.

What can you put on a veteran's headstone?

If the VA furnishes the marker, its rules apply to the inscription. The National Cemetery Administration says every inscription must include the legal name, branch of service, and years of birth and death. In a national or state veterans cemetery it also includes the section and grave number. VA adds "IN MEMORY OF" on all memorial headstones and markers.

Optional items include war service, rank and awards when you supply documentation, and a short term of endearment such as "OUR BELOVED POPPY." The VA offers 84 emblems of belief, and it does not inscribe other graphics, emblems or pictures on its markers. The VA's marker is free, and you can apply with VA Form 40-1330. Our guide to VA headstones and markers covers eligibility and how to apply. If you buy a private headstone for a veteran, the inscription rules of the cemetery apply instead.

Can you add a name or date later?

Yes, in most cases. A second name or a date of death can usually be added to an existing stone, often on site at the cemetery. Cemeteries commonly want to approve the work first. The Funeral Consumers Alliance notes that engraving is an extra charge on top of the stone, and that installation can cost several hundred dollars, so ask for a written quote for any lettering to be added later.

Should you add a QR code or link?

Some families add a small plaque or etched code that links to an online memorial with photos, a longer biography and a guestbook. It keeps the stone simple while letting the story run longer. The cemetery must approve it, and the link needs to stay active, so choose a service you expect to last. Read our guide to QR codes on headstones before you order.

When should you order the headstone?

You do not have to decide quickly. There is no national deadline, and many families wait several months after a burial before ordering. Waiting gives you time to settle on the wording, and ground that was disturbed for the burial needs time to settle before a heavy stone is set. How long to wait varies with the cemetery, soil and climate, so ask the cemetery and the monument company. See how long after burial you can set a headstone.

What to do next

1. Ask the cemetery office for its written marker rules for your section.
2. Collect the exact name and dates from the death certificate.
3. Decide on a short epitaph and one or two symbols, and leave room for a second name if needed.
4. Compare quotes. See headstone costs and types of headstones and markers.