Headstone Regulations: Cemetery Rules and Approval Steps

Headstone rules in the US come mainly from the cemetery, and many cemeteries limit the type, size and material of the marker in each section. There is no single national rule for private cemeteries. Get the cemetery's written rules for your section before you order, and expect an approval step before the stone is installed.

Who sets the rules for a headstone?

The cemetery does. When a cemetery sells a grave, the New York Department of State explains, it is not selling real estate. It is selling the right of interment and the right to have a memorial. The cemetery keeps control of the grounds, so its rules and regulations decide what can be placed there.

Who writes the rules depends on the type of cemetery:

• National and state veterans cemeteries follow government policy.
• Municipal cemeteries are run by a city or county, and many post their rules online.
• Private and nonprofit cemeteries write their own rules, and the rules document or contract you received applies.
• Religious cemeteries may add rules tied to their tradition.

State law also plays a part, and it varies. Some states have a regulator that takes complaints about cemeteries. Our guide to cemetery rules and regulations explains what these documents usually cover.

What do headstone rules usually limit?

Rules differ by cemetery and often by section within one cemetery. Common limits cover:

• Type. Flat only, upright allowed, or a mix.
• Size. Minimum and maximum height, width and thickness.
• Material. For example, natural stone or bronze only.
• Layout. Where a marker can sit on the lot and how many are allowed.
• Foundation. Who builds it and when.

Madison, Wisconsin's Forest Hill Cemetery shows the kind of detail you may meet. It requires memorials to be made of natural stone or bronze. It sets a minimum marker size of 16 by 8 by 4 inches, sets maximum dimensions for markers and separate limits for monuments, and requires flush markers in some sections. It also permits only one marker per grave space or cremation lot, though a shared marker can serve several graves. That is one cemetery's policy, not a national standard. Yours may differ in every respect, which is why the written rules for your section matter.

Can you buy a headstone from someone other than the cemetery?

Often yes, but the rule is less settled than many people assume. The Funeral Consumers Alliance says a marker can be bought from the cemetery, a monument company or even online, depending on the cemetery's restrictions. It also warns that some cemeteries insist you buy from them, or charge what it calls a "ludicrous" inspection fee on markers bought elsewhere, which it describes as legally questionable but rarely investigated.

The FTC Funeral Rule is not the safeguard people sometimes think it is. Under FTC guidance it does not cover businesses that sell only goods, such as caskets or monuments, without services for the disposition of remains. A cemetery that sells both goods and services can count as a funeral provider, but the Rule's price-list requirements are aimed at funeral goods and services, not headstones, so do not count on it to protect you here. So whether you can use an outside seller depends on your cemetery's rules, your contract and your state's law. Read our guide to the FTC Funeral Rule for what it does cover.

If a cemetery says you must buy from it, ask for the rule in writing. If you doubt it, contact your state's cemetery regulator or an attorney. See headstone retailers compared if you are shopping around.

What does the approval and installation process look like?

The details vary, but the steps are usually:

1. Get the written rules for your section from the cemetery office.
2. Choose a design that fits them: type, size, material and inscription. See types of headstones and grave markers.
3. Submit it for approval. Many cemeteries want the design and specifications submitted before work starts, and the monument company often does this for you. Madison requires a monument contractor to submit each memorial's design and specifications for approval before construction.
4. Confirm who installs it and what it costs. The cemetery may build the foundation and set the stone, and may charge for it. Madison, for example, requires that a perpetual care fund has been established on the lot before a foundation is built or a memorial is placed.
5. Check the timing. Ask when the cemetery will set the stone. See how long after burial you can set a headstone.
6. Proof the inscription. Check the spelling and dates against the death certificate before the stone is cut.

What fees should you expect?

Ask for a written fee schedule that lists everything in one place. Typical charges to ask about are the marker itself, engraving, foundation, setting and any inspection or work permit fee. The Funeral Consumers Alliance's brochure, revised in December 2020, said engraving is an extra charge and installation can cost several hundred dollars, and that you should expect to spend about $1,000 or more for the headstone, engraving and installation. Those are older figures and a starting point only. See headstone costs and cemetery plot costs.

What does perpetual care cover?

Perpetual or endowment care is a one-time fee that the Funeral Consumers Alliance says is usually 5% to 15% of the plot price, added into the cost of a grave. It says most states require the cemetery to put the money in a trust fund separate from operating expenses. What the fund pays for varies, so ask the cemetery whether it covers anything beyond the grounds, such as straightening or repairing a marker, and get the answer in writing.

What about VA headstones?

In a VA national cemetery, the VA provides and places the government marker at no cost to the family. In a private cemetery, the VA says the family arranges for it to be placed and all setting fees are at private expense, so ask the cemetery what it requires and charges. The VA also says its upright headstones for private cemeteries are inscribed with lithichrome, a darkened shading. See VA headstones and markers for eligibility and how to apply.

What to do next

1. Ask the cemetery office for the written marker rules, fee schedule and approval form for your section.
2. Ask whether an outside seller is allowed, and whether any fee applies.
3. Get a scaled drawing from the monument company and have the cemetery approve it before you pay.
4. Keep copies of the approval, the contract and the receipts.