Headstone Guide: How to Choose, Buy and Care for a Grave Marker

A headstone, or grave marker, is the stone or plaque that names the person buried at a grave. Start with the cemetery, because it sets the rules for type, size and material. Then pick a style and material, compare itemized prices, check the inscription proof and arrange setting. The Funeral Consumers Alliance (FCA) suggests budgeting about $1,000 or more for the headstone, engraving and installation, and an eligible veteran can get a government marker at no charge.

What is the difference between a headstone, a grave marker and a monument?

In everyday use the words overlap. Legacy Headstones says the industry uses headstone, gravestone, grave marker, cemetery memorial and monument to describe the same products. The VA uses "headstone" for its upright stones and "marker" for its flat ones, and our guide to types of headstones and grave markers covers each style.

Some cemeteries draw the line by size. Madison's Forest Hill Cemetery sets separate limits for markers and monuments and allows monuments only on lots of three or more graves. If your cemetery uses these words in its rules, it matters which one you are asking for.

What are the decisions, in order?

1. Get the cemetery's written rules. They decide which marker types, sizes, materials and layouts are allowed in your section. See headstone regulations and cemetery rules and regulations.
2. Check for a veteran's marker. The VA provides one at no charge to eligible veterans. See VA headstones and markers.
3. Choose a type and material. Flat, pillow, slant and upright stones differ in price and in what a cemetery allows. See headstone materials compared.
4. Set a budget that includes setting and fees. See the costs section below and headstone costs.
5. Compare sellers and get itemized quotes. See headstone retailers compared.
6. Write and proof the inscription. See what to put on a headstone.
7. Arrange approval and installation, and ask when the cemetery will set the stone. See how long after burial a headstone can go up.

How much does a headstone cost?

No national survey tracks headstone prices. The FCA, in a brochure revised in December 2020, said to expect about $1,000 or more for a headstone, engraving and installation. For current numbers, two online sellers' own sites in October 2026 listed these examples.

Both sellers say installation is not included, and Legacy says typical installation fees run from $200 to $800. The NFDA's national median funeral costs do not include monument or grave marker costs, so a headstone is its own budget line. Details and more examples are in headstone costs.

Who decides what can go on the grave?

Usually the cemetery. In New York, the Department of State explains, a cemetery that sells a grave is selling the right of interment and the right to have a memorial, not real estate. Its rules can cover the type, size, material and layout of a marker, who builds the foundation and what fees apply.

Expect an approval step. Madison's Forest Hill Cemetery, for example, requires a monument contractor to submit each memorial's design and specifications for approval before construction. Austin's city cemeteries say any monument must be pre-approved.

Rules on where you buy the stone also vary. The FCA says a marker can be bought from the cemetery, a monument company or online, depending on the cemetery's restrictions, but that some cemeteries insist on selling it or charge an inspection fee for outside stones. It calls that legally questionable.

What should the inscription say?

Names and dates come first, and many families add a relationship, a short line or a symbol. Our guide to what to put on a headstone covers wording, symbols and what the cemetery may restrict.

Check the proof closely. Signature Headstones' designer shows an immediate proof, and Legacy sends a digital proof for approval before engraving. Both treat custom stones as final once production starts, and both ask you to report problems quickly after delivery, within 10 days for Signature and 24 hours for Legacy.

How long does it take, and is there a deadline?

Production takes weeks. Signature advertises a 30 day turnaround on in-stock headstones. Legacy says standard production is 6 to 10 weeks plus about a week of shipping, and lists bronze markers at 60 to 120 days.

The sources we checked set no general deadline for putting up a marker, and timing rules come from the cemetery. Madison's cemetery allows a funeral home's temporary marker for 60 days unless the city approves longer, and for a winter burial keeps it until the ground allows concrete footings.

Can you add a date or name later?

Often. Some dealers offer on-site lettering for a second name or a death date on a companion stone. Hathaway Memorials, for example, says it will visit the cemetery, take a rubbing of the existing lettering and match it for the addition. If you buy a companion stone for a living spouse, ask the seller how the second date will be added and whether the cemetery needs to approve it.

Who looks after a headstone?

Practice varies by cemetery, so ask yours. Austin's municipal cemeteries consider monuments the family's private property, and they require written approval from Cemetery Operations before anyone does monument restoration or cleaning on cemetery grounds. If you find a stone fallen or out of place, Austin says to leave it where it is and contact the office, because moving it even a little can make it impossible to tell where it came from.

For cleaning, the VA's guidance for government-furnished markers says the goal is to remove soiling, lichen, bird droppings, dirt, salts and sap, not to make the stone look new. Most markers can be cleaned with water alone and a soft natural or nylon brush. A mild detergent can help with tougher stains, and it advises testing any cleaner first, wetting the stone before you apply it and rinsing thoroughly. It rules out power washers, bleach, strong acids and strong bases, and says to clean only above 40 degrees Fahrenheit and with the landowner's permission. The National Park Service adds that even gentle cleaning may not be advisable for markers with severe erosion, advanced deterioration or fragile areas.

What if you cannot afford or are not allowed a stone?

You have other options. A funeral home's temporary marker can stand for a time. A cremation can be marked on a columbarium niche or a memorial wall instead of a headstone. See columbarium niches and memorial benches. At green burial grounds, the Green Burial Council says markers may be GPS units, native stone markers or mapping.

What to do next

1. Call the cemetery and ask for its marker rules, fee schedule and approval form.
2. Check whether the deceased was a veteran and could receive a free marker or medallion.
3. Collect two or three itemized quotes that include delivery and setting.
4. Draft the inscription, and ask two family members to check every name and date.