How to Appoint a Funeral Representative: Steps and Forms

A funeral representative is the person you name in writing to decide what happens to your body and your funeral after you die. Every state honors this kind of appointment, according to the Funeral Consumers Alliance, but each sets its own signing rules. Most ask for witnesses or a notary, and some want the person you name to sign too. Where a state's law allows it, a valid appointment puts your representative first in line, ahead of your spouse and children.

What does a funeral representative do?

Lawyers call the power the "right to control disposition." It covers the choice between burial and cremation, the funeral home, the type of service and the paperwork the funeral home needs. Different states call the person an agent, a designated agent, an authorizing agent or a funeral representative.

Your representative is not a free agent. New York's law says the person in control must carry out your directions "to the extent lawful and practicable," including the financial capacity of your estate. The Funeral Consumers Alliance adds that no state obliges an agent to follow wishes that are highly impractical, illegal or financially burdensome.

The role can also come with a deadline. Under Texas law, a person with the right to control disposition who has not made final arrangements by the sixth day after learning of the death, or the tenth day after the death, loses that right to the next person in line. Your representative should know they may need to act quickly.

Why not rely on your will, your executor or your power of attorney?

Because none of them reliably decides the funeral.

• The will. Wills are often found or read after the funeral. Some states, including Texas and California, say funeral directions in a will can be carried out right away without probate. Even so, the Funeral Consumers Alliance suggests a short, dated, witnessed or notarized document that your survivors receive in advance.
• The executor. An executor handles money and property once a court confirms them. Under Texas law, the executor ranks sixth on the list, after the spouse, adult children, parents and adult siblings.
• A power of attorney. A financial power of attorney generally ends at death. A few states let a health care power of attorney reach the funeral. California's statute lists a health care agent first, and the Funeral Consumers Alliance says Georgia and North Carolina forms allow it. Our guide to power of attorney and funeral arrangements explains the limits.

Without a named representative, a state priority list applies, and it can be hard on unmarried partners, close friends and estranged families. Our guide to who arranges a funeral shows how the lists work. The Funeral Consumers Alliance says naming a representative helps when you are estranged from relatives, are not married to your partner, or want to prevent conflict between relatives of equal rank. See also funeral planning for an unmarried partner and funeral arrangements with no family.

How do you appoint a funeral representative, step by step?

1. Choose someone steady and nearby. Pick a person who will follow your wishes even if they disagree, can reach the funeral home quickly, and can handle paperwork under pressure. Ask them first. Do not name someone who does not know.
2. Name successors. If your first choice dies, declines or cannot be reached, authority passes to the successors you list. Both the New York and Texas statutory forms have space for two successors.
3. Check your state's rules. The Funeral Consumers Alliance keeps a state-by-state list of the laws and, for many states, a form. New York and Texas print a statutory form in the law itself. California has no official form, but its law describes how directions must be written.
4. Write the document. Include your name and address, your agent's name and contact details, your successors, any limits on the agent's authority, your wishes, and a line revoking earlier appointments. The statutory forms also say the appointment takes effect at death.
5. Sign it the way your state requires. See the table below. A document that does not meet your state's rules may not be honored.
6. Share copies. Give them to your agent, your successors, your family, your doctor and your funeral home or lawyer.
7. Set aside money. See "Who pays?" below.

What do the signing rules look like?

They differ, so use these as examples and check your own state.

If your state offers an official form, use it. If you spend time in more than one state, or you move, ask a local estate planning attorney or funeral home whether your document will be accepted, or sign a new one.

Who pays?

An appointment gives your representative authority. It does not provide money. In Texas, an agent who is not the executor is liable for the reasonable cost of interment and may seek reimbursement from the estate. In California, a health care agent is liable only if they agree to pay or make decisions that incur costs the estate cannot cover. The Funeral Consumers Alliance says not to expect your agent to pay for a costly funeral if you have not set money aside.

California also ties your written directions to payment. They must be carried out only if arrangements for payment through trusts, insurance, commitments by others or another binding means have been made so survivors need not pay. See our guides on who pays for a funeral and pre-planning questions. The Funeral Consumers Alliance cautions that prepaying is usually not wise unless Medicaid planning requires it, so ask questions before you buy.

What should you put in your wishes?

Be specific enough that your agent is not guessing, and flexible enough that they can adapt. Useful details include:

• burial, cremation or another method, and where you want your remains to go
• the type of service, who you want to lead it, and any music or readings
• any religious or cultural rites
• whether you have a prepaid plan or insurance, and who holds the papers
• any wish to donate your body or organs

New York's statutory form lets you note if you have a pre-funded pre-need agreement and name the funeral firm. Our funeral wishes template lists more prompts, and telling your family your funeral wishes explains how to start the conversation.

What if you are a service member?

The Department of Defense Record of Emergency Data, DD Form 93, names who directs disposition of your remains. Texas law says the form controls over any other written instrument if the service member dies in a manner described in 10 U.S.C. 1481, and Virginia's law makes the person named on the form responsible for arrangements if the service member dies while serving. Keep the form up to date and tell your family who is on it.

Common mistakes

• Relying on a verbal promise. Spoken wishes may not be honored if a relative with a higher rank objects.
• Skipping the agent's signature. New York, Texas and Virginia all expect the agent to sign an acceptance.
• Naming only one person. Add successors.
• Naming a spouse and then divorcing. In Texas the spouse's appointment is revoked on divorce unless the document says otherwise. Review your document after major life changes.
• Locking the only copy away. A safe deposit box may not be opened in time. Give copies to the people who will need them.
• Leaving money out. Plan how the funeral will be paid.

This guide is general information. If your family situation is complicated, or someone may challenge your choice, talk to an estate planning attorney in your state.

What to do next

1. Choose a representative and two successors, and ask each of them.
2. Look up your state's rules in the Funeral Consumers Alliance list and use an official form if there is one.
3. Sign it with the witnesses or notary your state requires, and have each agent sign.
4. Give copies to your agent, your family and your funeral home, and set money aside.