Eulogy for a Grandparent: How to Write a Tribute to Your Grandmother or Grandfather

A eulogy for a grandparent is a short spoken tribute that shows who they were as you knew them and what they gave the family. Aim for three to five minutes, and no more than eight. Choose two or three stories, ask your parents and relatives about the years before you were born, say what you will carry forward, and end with a simple goodbye.

Grandchildren have a special place at a funeral. You see a side of a grandparent that their own children do not, and you carry their stories into the next generation. You do not need to be a skilled speaker. You need a few true stories and a steady voice.

For the general method, see our guide to how to write a eulogy. This page covers what is particular to a grandparent: finding the parts of their life you did not see, speaking in front of their children, and helping younger grandchildren take part.

What do you say in a eulogy for a grandparent?

Most tributes to grandparents have four parts:

1. Who you are. Your name and your relationship. A grandparent's friends and neighbors may know them by decades of stories and not know you.
2. Who they were. Two or three qualities, each shown by one short story.
3. What they gave the family. A lesson, a tradition, a recipe, a way of treating people.
4. A goodbye. Short, direct and in your own voice.

AARP's expert explains that a eulogy is more about who the person was than the facts of their life. The dates, jobs and list of survivors belong in the obituary, and our obituary template guide covers that.

How do you write about the years you did not see?

If your grandparent lived into their eighties or nineties, you saw perhaps half of their life. The rest is a gift you can ask for.

• Ask your parents, aunts and uncles for two or three stories from their childhood and the grandparent's younger years.
• Ask a sibling of your grandparent, an old friend or a neighbor, if you can. AARP suggests asking other relatives for their stories when you are the only family member speaking.
• Look at photographs, letters, recipe cards and old home videos.
• Ask what they were like at your age.

You can tell these stories as "My mom tells me..." or "I once heard Grandpa say...". That keeps the tribute honest about what you saw yourself. Check names, places and dates with relatives before you speak, since the older generation will notice mistakes.

Memory prompts for a grandparent

When you are grieving, questions are easier than a blank page. The NHS lists shock, numbness and tiredness among common reactions to loss, so write in short sessions. Try a line or two for each:

• What did their home smell and sound like?
• What did they do with their hands: bake, fix, garden, knit, play cards?
• What did they always say to you at the door, on the phone or at the table?
• What did you do together that nobody else did?
• When did they surprise you, with a secret, a rule or a kindness?
• What did they teach you without meaning to?
• What did they love that you came to love?
• What do their friends or neighbors say about them?

Three ways to structure it

Toastmasters advises limiting a eulogy to two or three main points, and treating it as a tribute and not a chronology of a life. Any of these shapes works.

1. Three things they taught

Choose three lessons, such as "show up," "make do" and "laugh at yourself." Tell one story for each. This is the simplest shape and works for most grandparents.

2. A place and its stories

Take the audience to one place, such as their kitchen or their garden or their porch, and tell a story at each spot. The place gives you an order for the stories.

3. Then and now

Begin with one thing about their early life, move to the grandparent you knew, and end with what you see of them in the family today. This gives the tribute a sense of the generations.

Sample wording to adapt

These two invented passages show the style. Use your own memories and details, not these.

A quiet grandfather. "Grandpa never said much, but he was always doing. If you came by on a Saturday, he would be fixing something, and he would hand you a screwdriver without a word. I realize now that was how he taught me. By the end of that summer I could fix a leaky tap, and I understood that being useful was how he said, 'I love you.'"

A formidable grandmother. "If you wanted to know where I got my stubbornness, look at the woman in this photograph. Grandma did not walk into a room, she took charge of it, usually carrying enough food for twelve people. She told us that love is something you do, and she did it every day of her life."

For something much shorter, our short eulogy examples include one-minute versions.

Speaking in front of their children

Your parents, aunts and uncles are mourning their own parent, and many of them will be hearing your words with that in mind. A few things help.

• Tell them you plan to speak. Ask if there is anything they would prefer you leave out.
• Keep stories kind to everyone in the room. A story that puts one of their children in a bad light does not belong in a eulogy.
• Avoid describing family disputes, money or illness details.
• If your grandparent's children are also speaking, ask what they plan to cover so that you can offer something different.

If several grandchildren want to speak, a joint tribute works well. Give each person one theme or a few minutes, agree who opens and who closes, and share drafts.

Helping younger grandchildren take part

Children and teenagers often want to do something at a grandparent's service. Our guide to children at funerals covers what to expect, and explaining death to children may help with the conversation beforehand. For the service itself:

• Ask the child what they would like to do, and accept a no.
• Offer simple jobs: reading a short poem or a card, carrying a photo, lighting a candle, handing out programs.
• Ask them to write down one memory in a sentence or two. An adult can stand beside them and finish reading if they need help.
• Practice once at home, so the child knows what to expect.

If you were not close, or the relationship was hard

Not every grandchild had a close bond. You do not have to give a glowing portrait, and you do not have to speak. If you do, say only what is true and kind: a single memory, something you learned from their life or what they meant to the family. Our guide to complicated grief explains why mixed feelings are common.

If you live far away, you may be able to send a recorded or written tribute. Our guides to attending a funeral virtually and funeral video tributes cover the options.

Delivering it

Practice out loud, not only in your head. Toastmasters also suggests recording yourself, getting feedback from someone you trust and visiting the room beforehand if you can. Many experienced speakers memorize the first and last lines so they can start and finish with confidence.

Print a large-type, double-spaced copy, and keep paper with you even if you plan to read from your phone. AARP's expert says it is normal to be nervous and upset and that it is okay to cry. If you break down, stop, breathe, sip some water and go on. Ask a parent, cousin or the officiant to hold a copy so they can finish for you. Our eulogy delivery tips go into more detail.

What to do next

1. Ask the officiant how long you have, and who else is speaking.
2. Ask a parent or aunt or uncle for two stories from your grandparent's earlier life.
3. Choose a structure and draft the way you talk.
4. Read it aloud with a timer, then print two large-type copies.