Virtual Eternal Flame: How Online Memorial Candles Work

A virtual eternal flame is a digital candle shown on an online memorial page, meant to stay on display as a lasting sign of remembrance. It is a symbol rather than a real flame, and how long it stays "lit" is decided by the website that hosts it. You can light one on a memorial or obituary page, or hold a shared candle-lighting on a video call where everyone lights their own candle at the same time.

What is a virtual eternal flame?

It is an animated or illustrated candle on a web page. Visitors can often light one of their own, and some sites add a short message. Sites use different names, such as a virtual candle, online candle or memorial flame, and they work differently, so look at the specific site's description.

The idea borrows from real memorials. President Kennedy's gravesite at Arlington National Cemetery, for example, has an eternal flame at the head of the grave. A virtual flame cannot be visited in the same way, but it can be seen by family and friends anywhere.

Where can you light a virtual candle?

• Obituary and memorial pages. Some obituary sites, Legacy.com among them, host online guest books. Whether a page offers candles, flowers or neither varies, so look at the specific page.
• Memorial websites. Dedicated memorial sites often include a guestbook where visitors add a candle with a message. Our memorial website builders guide compares them, and online memorials explains how to choose.
• A funeral home's page. Some funeral homes include a guestbook and candle with the obituary. Ask yours.
• A live online ceremony. See the next section.

How do you hold a candle-lighting online?

A shared candle-lighting works well for relatives who cannot travel, for an anniversary or as part of a virtual funeral service.

1. Pick the time and a simple plan. Send the video call link and time in advance, and tell people to have a candle ready.
2. Choose the candle. Real candles in stable holders work for some people. Battery-operated candles avoid fire risk, especially for older relatives or anyone alone at home.
3. Open with a few words. One person can read a short poem, a prayer or a memory. See the funeral readings guide for ideas.
4. Light together. Count down or use a moment of silence, and let people say a name or a few words if they want.
5. Keep it short. Ten to twenty minutes is plenty for most groups.
6. Follow up. Some families light a candle on the memorial page afterwards, so the moment is also kept there.

Never leave a real flame unattended, and keep it away from curtains, paper and pets.

For more on in-person ceremonies, see our guides to a funeral candle ceremony, memorial candles and anniversary memorials.

Does a virtual candle fit religious traditions?

It depends on the tradition and on the family. Candles carry different meanings in different faiths, and some practices call for a real flame.

In Jewish tradition, a yahrzeit candle is lit at sundown on the Hebrew anniversary of a death, during the seven days of shiva, and on certain holidays, and it is traditionally left to burn for about 25 hours, according to My Jewish Learning. The same source notes that electric alternatives exist for safety reasons. Whether one is acceptable is a question for your rabbi. Other faiths and cultures have their own candle customs and views.

A virtual flame works best as an addition to, not a replacement for, the practices the family already keeps. If you are unsure, ask your faith leader before you plan.

What should you check before you choose a site?

• How long does the flame last? Some candles stay permanently on a page, others fade or need to be relit. Ask for the rule in writing if you are paying.
• What does it cost, and is it one-time or recurring? Find out what happens if a payment lapses.
• Who can see the page? Check whether it is public, hidden behind a link or password protected.
• Can you moderate? You want to approve or delete messages that are unkind or spam.
• Can you download your content? Keep your own copy of candles, messages and photos.
• Who owns the content? Read the terms about what the company can do with uploaded material.

What is good etiquette for online candles?

• Wait for the family. Do not post a public candle or tribute before the immediate family has announced the death.
• Keep messages kind and short. The page is for the family as much as for you.
• Do not compete. There is no "right" number of candles or length of message.
• Respect the family's privacy choices. If a page is private, do not share the link more widely.

What should you do next?

1. Decide whether you want a candle on a page, a shared online ceremony, or both.
2. Check the site's privacy, cost and export terms before you upload anything.
3. Ask a family member to moderate messages.
4. Keep your own copy of messages and photos somewhere you control.