Returning to Work After a Death: What to Expect and Do

In the US, no federal law guarantees time off after a death, so how long you can be away and how you come back depend on your employer's policy and, in some states, state law. Before your first day back, find out what leave you have left, what proof of death your employer needs, and what support you would like from your manager. A gradual return and a plan for what coworkers are told can make the first weeks much easier.

How much time off do you get after a death?

There is no single US rule. What you get usually comes from one of four places.

• Your employer's bereavement policy. Check your handbook, offer letter or union agreement. Policies often name which relatives are covered, such as spouse, child, parent, sibling or grandparent, and how many days you get. Our guide to bereavement leave explains typical policies.
• State law. A few states require it, and the details differ (see the table below).
• Paid time off. Vacation, personal days or sick leave, if your employer lets you use them for bereavement.
• Unpaid leave by agreement. You can ask your manager or HR for extra time off, even if they are not required to give it.

The federal Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) does not include a relative's death among its reasons for leave. It covers childbirth and adoption, caring for a spouse, child or parent with a serious health condition, your own serious health condition, and certain military family situations.

Examples of state rules

State laws change, so use these as examples and check your state labor department for the current rule.

What if you need more time?

If bereavement leave has run out and you are not ready, you have a few options.

1. Ask for more time. Request unpaid leave or use accrued paid time off. Put the request in writing so there is a record.
2. Ask about a reduced schedule. Shorter days or fewer days a week for the first few weeks may be easier for your employer to approve than an extension.
3. Talk to your doctor. Grief is not an illness, but it can lead to depression, anxiety or sleep problems. If a health condition makes it hard to work, your doctor can advise you on treatment and on paperwork for leave.
4. Check FMLA. If you work for a covered employer (generally 50 or more employees within 75 miles of your worksite), have worked there at least 12 months and 1,250 hours in the past year, you may be able to take up to 12 weeks of job-protected leave in a 12-month period for your own serious health condition. A mental health condition can qualify if it meets the definition, for example by needing ongoing treatment from a health care provider.

What documents will HR want?

Policies vary, but employers may ask for proof that a death occurred, and some ask for the relationship to the employee. In California, for example, employers can request documentation within 30 days, and acceptable proof includes a death certificate, an obituary or verification from a funeral home or religious institution.

• Ask HR what format they accept before you send anything.
• Offer the simplest proof first, such as a funeral home letter or an obituary, if you do not want to share a death certificate that lists the cause of death.
• Send a scan or photocopy, not an original. You will need certified copies for banks, insurers and probate. Our guide on how many death certificates you need can help you plan.
• If your employer wants a written request, our funeral leave letter guide has wording you can adapt.

Planning your first week back

You are allowed to ask for what would help. Specific requests are easier for an employer to say yes to.

1. Talk to your manager before you return. A short call can cover how long you have been out, what you want coworkers to know, and what can wait.
2. Ask for a phased return. Try three days in the first week, half days, or some days from home if your job allows it. You can build up once you see how you are coping.
3. Reduce the decisions. Ask whether any big deadlines or projects can be handed off for a few weeks.
4. Decide what is shared. You can ask your manager to tell the team in advance so you do not have to explain it again and again. Our guide to announcing a death at work covers what employers usually say.
5. Plan a break space. Know where you can step out for a few minutes if you need to.
6. Write things down. Keep lists and reminders in case details slip while you are tired.
7. Book a check-in. Ask your manager for a meeting after two weeks and again after a month to see how the arrangement is working.

What to say to coworkers

Colleagues usually mean well and do not know what to say. Short, prepared answers save energy.

• When someone asks how you are: "It's hard, but I'm glad to be back. Thank you for asking."
• When you want to keep it brief: "I appreciate it. I'd rather focus on work today."
• When someone shares advice you did not ask for: "Thanks. I'll think about that."
• When someone says something that hurts: "That's not helping me right now, but I know you mean well."

It is okay to cry at work. If it happens, step out, take a few minutes and come back when you are ready. If you want coworkers to know what helps, tell them: a quiet nod, a message instead of a conversation, or help with a specific task.

Managing after-death tasks while you work

Death brings paperwork that does not wait: notifying banks, handling the estate, closing accounts, and sometimes dealing with a retirement account, like a 401(k) or IRA, or bank accounts. These tasks often fall in business hours.

• Ask your employer if you can take calls or make appointments during the day.
• Do one task at a time and write down what you did and who you spoke to.
• Ask family members to share the load.

If you are the executor and the work feels heavy, it is reasonable to ask for help from a probate attorney or an accountant.

Common things people find hard

• Doing too much too soon. Throwing yourself into work can be a relief, and it can also delay grieving. Watch for long hours used to avoid going home.
• Big decisions. If you can, put off large decisions that are hard to undo, such as quitting a job or moving, until you have had more time.
• Milestone dates. Birthdays, holidays and the date of the death can be hard at work too. Plan ahead for birthdays after a death and other grief milestones.
• Comparing yourself to others. Coworkers may return to routine faster or slower than you. There is no right pace.

If you are a manager or coworker

The most useful things are simple: let the employee lead on what to share, offer flexibility, check in again after the first weeks, and avoid pushing them to talk. Our guide to coworker funeral etiquette covers condolences, cards and attending services.

If you work in the UK

UK employees have a right to a reasonable amount of time off to deal with an emergency involving a dependant, including a death. There is no set amount, and your employer does not have to pay you, although some do. Parents who lose a child under 18, or who have a stillbirth after 24 weeks of pregnancy, may be entitled to 2 weeks of parental bereavement leave, which can be taken within 56 weeks, and possibly statutory pay. This applies in England, Scotland and Wales. Northern Ireland has its own rules, so check GOV.UK for the current rules and any changes.

When to get more help

Grief can make it hard to work, and that is not a failure. Talk to your doctor or an employee assistance program (EAP) if you are having trouble sleeping, cannot function for weeks, or feel hopeless. The American Psychiatric Association describes prolonged grief disorder as intense grief that persists and interferes with daily life, diagnosed in adults at least a year after a death, and estimates it affects 4% to 15% of bereaved adults. It can be treated. See complicated grief for more.

What to do next

1. Read your employer's bereavement and leave policy, and ask HR what is left.
2. Decide what proof you will offer and send copies.
3. Ask your manager for a phased return and agree on what coworkers will be told.