Quaker Funeral Traditions: What to Expect at a Meeting

A Quaker funeral or memorial meeting is, in most Quaker communities, a meeting for worship. People gather in silence, and anyone who feels moved to speak may do so. There is no ordained clergy and no fixed order of service in this style of worship, so the gathering is shaped by the people in the room. Not all Quakers worship this way, though. Some Quaker churches have a pastor, hymns and a prepared message, so ask the family which kind of service to expect.

What is a Quaker funeral?

Quakers belong to the Religious Society of Friends. Their funerals are usually called funeral meetings or memorial meetings, and Quakers in Britain describe two aims: to give thanks for the life of the person who has died, and to comfort the mourners through a sense of God's presence.

Quaker funerals often reflect traditional Quaker values of simplicity, equality, integrity and peace. They tend to avoid elaborate ceremony, but nothing in Quaker guidance requires a particular kind of casket, burial or marker. Quaker guidance in Britain says funerals should avoid rigid patterns.

Which kind of Quaker service will it be?

Quaker worship comes in several forms, and that decides what a funeral looks like. According to reference figures from 2017, there were an estimated 377,557 adult Quakers worldwide, with 49 percent in Africa and 22 percent in North America.

• Unprogrammed (about 11 percent of Quakers). Worship is mostly silent, with unplanned spoken messages from those present. There is no ordained clergy. This is the dominant form in the United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and parts of the United States.
• Programmed or semi-programmed (about 49 percent). These services mix hymns and readings with some unprogrammed silence.
• Evangelical or pastoral (about 40 percent). These have singing and a prepared Bible message led by a pastor, sometimes with a short period of silence.

The rest of this guide describes the unprogrammed style, because that is what most people mean by a "Quaker funeral." If the family attends a Quaker church with a pastor, expect a service closer to a typical Protestant funeral.

What happens at an unprogrammed Quaker funeral?

A typical meeting follows this pattern, although details vary by meeting and family:

1. Gathering. People take their seats, often in a circle or facing each other, and settle into silence. Someone appointed by the meeting may explain briefly what will happen, which Quaker guidance in Britain recommends for people unfamiliar with Quaker worship.
2. Silent worship. The silence is part of the service. It is not a gap to fill.
3. Spoken ministry. When someone feels moved, they stand and speak. It might be a memory of the person, a prayer, a poem or a reading. Quaker guidance says speaking needs wisdom and tenderness, and that vocal prayer can be a great comfort to people who are very distressed. There is usually a pause between speakers.
4. Closing. An elder or another designated person closes the meeting, usually by shaking hands with a neighbor, and then others shake hands. Quaker guidance in Britain suggests an elder may come forward to the relatives at the close, speak with them and indicate that they should lead the way out.

Quaker guidance also says some services may include planned elements, such as a reading or music, if that suits the family. Quakers in Britain also caution against an unbalanced eulogy of the person who has died, and say general messages, even from people who did not know them, can enrich the worship.

Who organizes a Quaker funeral?

Because unprogrammed Quakers have no ordained clergy, the meeting community does the organizing. In Britain, local area meetings are responsible for funeral arrangements and usually appoint Friends, often elders or a small committee, to consult with the relatives. They also liaise with the crematorium or funeral director, and explain the Quaker style to the staff.

In the United States, contact the local Quaker meeting directly. Even when a meeting helps, a licensed funeral director may still be needed for transport, permits and other legal steps. Our guide on who arranges a funeral explains the usual roles.

Burial, cremation and memorial meetings

Quaker guidance leaves the choice of burial or cremation to the family. The guidance in Britain says no distinction should be made between those whose bodies are buried and those whose ashes are interred or scattered.

The meeting itself can happen in several ways:

• At the crematorium or burial ground, as the funeral itself.
• As a separate memorial meeting, held after the burial or cremation, at a time and place that suits the family. Guidance in Britain notes a memorial meeting can be arranged later at the convenience of relatives and local Friends.
• In a Quaker meeting house, with or without the body present.

Some Quaker meetings keep their own burial grounds. In Britain, no grave may be made and no ashes interred or scattered without a written order from authorized Friends, and non-members may be buried under the same conditions as members, at the appointed Friends' discretion.

Quaker values of simplicity often lead families toward plain, low-cost options, such as a simple coffin, direct cremation or green burial. This is a personal choice and not a Quaker rule. The National Funeral Directors Association's 2025 survey found that 61.4 percent of US consumers were interested in exploring green funeral options, so these choices are common among people of many faiths. The FTC Funeral Rule says no law requires a casket for cremation and that funeral homes must offer alternative containers. See our guides on cremation without a service, green burial and burial without a service.

Etiquette for guests

• Arrive on time and settle into the silence. Do not treat it as awkward.
• Speak only if you feel moved, keep it brief and leave a pause after the previous speaker.
• Follow the lead of the elder or host at the close of the meeting.
• Ask the family whether they prefer flowers, donations or nothing. There is no single Quaker custom.
• Dress as you would for any funeral, unless the family says otherwise.

See our general funeral etiquette guide for more.

Can you combine a Quaker meeting with other plans?

Yes. A family might hold a Quaker memorial meeting alongside a graveside committal, or use the meeting as the memorial after a direct cremation. If you want a more general gathering, see our guides on memorial services vs funerals and secular and humanist funerals.

What to do next

1. If the person who died was a Friend, contact their meeting. It can help plan the meeting for worship and tell you about its practices.
2. Decide whether the meeting will be held before or after the burial or cremation, and book the venue.
3. Ask family and friends who may want to speak, and let the meeting know if many guests are unfamiliar with Quaker worship so someone can explain it at the start.
4. Get a written price list from any funeral home you use.