Opening Words for a Funeral: What to Say and Examples

Opening words at a funeral are a short welcome that greets the room, names the person you are remembering, says why everyone has gathered and tells guests what comes next. One to three minutes is usually enough. The welcome does not need to be poetic. It needs to be calm, clear and warm, so that people who are nervous, tired or grieving can settle in.

This guide is for anyone who has been asked to open a funeral or memorial service: a family member, a friend, a celebrant, a faith leader or a funeral director. If you are starting a eulogy specifically, the second section covers that too.

What are opening words at a funeral?

Opening words, sometimes called the welcome or the call to gather, are the first spoken part of a service. They come after any processional or entrance music and before the readings, the eulogies and the closing. In a religious service, a clergy member usually gives them, often as a prayer or a short scripture. In a secular or family-led service, they are a few spoken sentences from a host or celebrant.

Opening words are not the same as a eulogy. The eulogy is a personal tribute that tells the person's story. The opening sets the tone and tells people what to expect. If you want help choosing who should run the service, see our guide to choosing a funeral officiant.

A simple four-part structure

Most good welcomes follow the same order. You can write one in ten minutes by filling in each part with a sentence or two.

1. Greet and introduce yourself. Say your name and how you knew the person. Even if everyone in the room knows you, distant relatives and people watching online may not.
2. Name the person and the purpose. Say clearly why you are gathered: to remember, to give thanks for a life, to support each other.
3. Give permission. One sentence telling people it is fine to cry, to laugh or to sit quietly. Many guests are unsure how they are "supposed" to behave.
4. Say what happens next. Briefly mention the order: a reading, music, a few people who will speak, and where guests are invited afterward. This is the only practical part, and it keeps people from wondering.

Sample opening words you can adapt

These are fill-in examples, not formulas. Change any line that does not sound like you or the person.

Traditional welcome

"Good afternoon, and thank you all for being here. My name is [your name], and I am [Name]'s [relationship]. We have come together today to remember [Name], to give thanks for [his/her/their] life and to comfort one another. In a few minutes we will hear a reading, some words from [Name]'s family and friends, and some of the music [Name] loved. Please know that whatever you are feeling today is welcome here."

Faith-based welcome

"Family and friends, welcome. We gather in [the name of the church, temple, mosque or place of worship] to commit [Name] to God's care and to hold each other up in our loss. We begin with a reading from [scripture], and then [officiant or family member] will lead us in prayer."

Different traditions open in very different ways, with their own prayers, readings and customs, and some ask that particular people lead. If you are not sure what your family's tradition expects, ask the clergy member or a family elder before you write anything. Many services include a short passage from scripture. A well-known public-domain example is the opening of Ecclesiastes 3: "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."

Secular or nature-focused welcome

"Thank you for coming. We are here to remember [Name], and to celebrate the way [he/she/they] lived. [Name] spent more hours outdoors than anywhere else, so it feels right to be in a place with open sky. Over the next half hour we will share stories and music. There is no right way to feel today, and everyone here is among friends."

Celebration of life welcome

"Welcome, everyone. [Name] told us more than once that nobody was to sit around crying at [his/her/their] service. We will probably shed a few tears anyway, and that is fine, but today we are here to tell the stories, play the songs and raise a glass to a person who made life bigger for everyone in this room."

If you are planning this kind of gathering, our guide to celebration of life ideas explains how these services differ from a traditional funeral.

Welcome for a hybrid or livestreamed service

"Thank you to everyone here in the room, and to everyone joining us by video from home, near and far. We are glad you are with us. Those of you watching online are very much part of this service. There is a link in the chat to sign the guestbook and share a memory, and we will read some of those aloud at the end."

How to start a eulogy

If you are the eulogist rather than the host, your first minute has a different job. You still introduce yourself, but you are moving quickly from greeting to story. Three openings that tend to work:

• The plain start. "I'm [name], [Name]'s [relationship]. I want to tell you about the person I knew."
• The single image. One small, vivid detail: "If you ever called [Name] after ten at night, you'd hear the crossword pages rustling in the background."
• The gentle joke. A light remark about a well-known habit, if it suits the person and the room. Keep it about their quirks, never about the death, and read it to a family member beforehand.

Do not open by reading the printed obituary. Most guests have already seen it. AARP's eulogy advice warns against describing a person's qualities in a way that is "too bland" and suggests a specific anecdote instead, which is why the single image tends to work better than "she was a wonderful woman." If you want more help, see how to write a eulogy and our tips on eulogy delivery.

Mistakes that make opening words harder to listen to

• Speaking too fast. The National Center for Voice and Speech puts the average speaking rate of US English speakers at about 150 words per minute. Nerves push most people faster than that. Slow down and pause after the person's name.
• Going into the cause of death. The opening is about the life, not the medical details. Unless the family has asked you to mention it, leave out how the person died.
• Leaving out chosen family. Partners, close friends and coworkers may not be relatives but may be central mourners. A phrase like "family and friends" includes them.
• Quoting a poem with no context. A reading feels more personal if you say in one sentence why it was chosen.
• Making it too long. Every minute of welcome is a minute less for people who knew the person. If you find yourself past three minutes, cut the practical details, not the warmth.

For help choosing passages, see our guide to readings for a funeral service.

Services with music or military honors

Music usually surrounds the opening, with an entrance piece before the welcome and another after it. If you are choosing songs, the funeral music planner can help you place them, and our guide to music for a funeral service explains the options.

If the service includes military honors, such as a flag folding or the playing of Taps, it helps for the host to say a sentence or two explaining what guests are about to see, so the moment is not a surprise.

If you feel nervous

Nerves before a welcome are normal, and the audience is on your side. Toastmasters International's advice for stage fright includes practicing out loud rather than in your head, visiting the room beforehand if you can, and pausing when you need to. A pause often feels much longer to you than it does to the audience. The NHS describes a simple breathing exercise: breathe in gently, counting from 1 to 5, then let the breath out gently, counting from 1 to 5 again. The NHS suggests doing it for at least five minutes for the full benefit, so try it in the car or a quiet corner beforehand, then take a few slow breaths at the lectern.

If you think you may not be able to get through it, give a copy to a backup reader in the front row. Saying a few words, however short, is worth more than saying them perfectly.

What to do next

1. Decide who is opening the service and agree on how long the welcome should be.
2. Write four sentences using the structure above: greet, purpose, permission, what happens next.
3. Read it aloud once, timing yourself. Cut anything you stumble over.
4. Print it large, bring a spare copy and plan your closing words. Our guide to closing words for a funeral covers the ending, and the funeral service order template shows where each part fits.