How Children, Teens, Adults and Older Adults Grieve Differently

Grief looks different at each age because understanding of death develops over time. Preschoolers often believe death is temporary, school-age children begin to see that it is permanent, and teens and adults cope in more complicated ways. Most children and adults grieve in healthy ways with honest information, steady routines and people who listen. About 1 in 11 US children will lose a parent or sibling before turning 18, so this is more common than many people assume.

How common is childhood bereavement?

The Childhood Bereavement Estimation Model, run by Judi's House/JAG Institute, reports that about 1 in 11 children in the US (9.1%, roughly 6.6 million) will experience the death of a parent or sibling by age 18. Its 2026 figures use 2020 to 2024 CDC data. Rates vary by state, from 6.8% in Utah to 14.7% in New Mexico.

These figures count only parent and sibling deaths. Losing a grandparent, a friend or a pet can also be a big grief for a child.

Preschool children (about ages 2 to 5)

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) says preschool children usually see death as temporary and reversible, which cartoons can reinforce. A child this age may ask again and again when the person is coming back. That is not a lack of feeling. They are working out what has changed.

Common reactions in young children include:

• Behavior changes. Clinginess, nightmares, irritability and anger shown through rough play.
• Regression. After a parent's death, some children act younger for a while, becoming more dependent.
• Self-blame. Some children believe an angry wish or a bad thought caused the death.

What helps:

• Use plain words such as "died" and "body stopped working". Euphemisms like "went to sleep" can confuse literal-minded children.
• Tell them clearly that nothing they said or thought caused it.
• Keep routines and name who will care for them, since security matters most at this age.
• Expect repeated questions and answer them calmly each time.

Our guide to explaining death to children has wording you can adapt.

School-age children (about ages 6 to 12)

AACAP notes that children of about 5 to 9 begin to think about death more like adults do, though they may still believe it will not happen to them. Children in this group often want facts: what happened, what a funeral is, where the body goes. Honest, simple answers are better than silence.

Many children grieve in short bursts and then go back to playing. That is normal, and it does not mean they do not care. AACAP says sadness can come and go over a long time, especially around birthdays and holidays.

Children who are hesitant about a funeral should not be forced to go. Give them a choice, and offer other ways to remember: lighting a candle, making a scrapbook or telling stories. If you are deciding, read our guide to children at funerals.

Teenagers (about ages 13 to 18)

Teenagers understand that death is permanent, but grief can collide with their growing independence. Some talk openly, some retreat to their rooms, and some turn to friends before family. That does not mean they are coping well or badly. It means you will need to offer support in ways they will accept.

• Let them grieve in their own way, including through music, writing, sport or art.
• Do not insist they talk. Make it clear you are available when they want to.
• Accept that time with friends is part of how they cope.
• Watch for signs that need attention: long-lasting withdrawal, a sharp fall in school performance, substance use, or talk of wanting to die or join the person who died.

The Dougy Center supports grieving teens and young adults and keeps a worldwide directory of similar programs. If a teen mentions suicide, call or text 988 (the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or call 911 if there is immediate danger.

Adults

Adults often have to keep working, parenting and paying bills while they grieve. The dual process model, described by researchers Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut in 1999, says healthy coping involves moving back and forth between two kinds of effort:

• Loss-focused coping: feeling the pain, crying, looking at photos and talking about the person.
• Restoration-focused coping: handling practical changes, learning new tasks, returning to work and finding new routines.

Switching between the two is normal. Having a good day or taking a break from sadness is not a betrayal. The death of a spouse or partner can also bring practical strain, from paperwork to money; our after-death checklist breaks the tasks into manageable steps.

MedlinePlus says how long bereavement lasts depends on how close you were, whether the death was expected, and your circumstances. If you want company, see our guide to online grief support groups.

Older adults

Older adults often face the death of a spouse, siblings and friends within a short time, sometimes alongside their own health problems and a move or a change in independence. A 2026 review of prolonged grief in later life links it with physical decline, cognitive decline and higher risk of early death, which is why early attention matters. A 2017 meta-analysis also found that prolonged grief disorder was more common in older bereaved groups.

That does not mean grief in later life is a disorder. Most older adults adapt. It does mean that poor sleep, weight loss, withdrawal or persistent low mood deserve a conversation with a doctor rather than being put down to age.

When does grief need professional help?

For children, AACAP recommends seeing a mental health professional if you notice:

• prolonged depression and loss of interest in usual activities,
• sleep or appetite problems,
• prolonged fear of being alone,
• excessive imitation of the person who died,
• persistent claims of talking to or seeing the person,
• statements about wanting to join the person who died, or
• social withdrawal or a drop in school performance.

The National Child Traumatic Stress Network says a child's reactions become a concern when they are severe or prolonged and interfere with daily life. The American Psychiatric Association lets clinicians diagnose prolonged grief disorder in children 6 months after a death, and in adults after 12 months. Our guide to complicated grief explains what that diagnosis involves and how it is treated.

What to do next

1. Give the grieving person honest, age-appropriate information, and keep routines steady.
2. Tell teachers, coaches and other key adults about a death in a child's family.
3. Look for a peer group through the Dougy Center's program finder, a hospice, or a school counselor.
4. Call a doctor or mental health professional if the warning signs above appear or last.