Family Pallbearers: Can You Use Your Own, and What Does It Cost?

You can usually ask family and friends to be your pallbearers, and doing so costs nothing. The only extra cost comes if you are short of people and need the funeral home to supply staff. There is no fixed national price for that, so ask the home what it charges before you decide.

A pallbearer is one of the people who help carry the casket at a funeral, usually from the hearse to the service and then to the grave. The role is an honor, and most families fill it with relatives, close friends or colleagues.

Do you have to pay for pallbearers?

Not if you choose them yourself. Family and friends are not paid, and offering money can feel out of place at a personal tribute.

If a funeral home supplies bearers, the cost depends on how that home prices things. Under the FTC Funeral Rule, a funeral home's General Price List must itemize staff charges for specific services, such as viewing, the funeral ceremony, the memorial service and the graveside service. The FTC's sample price list does not have a separate pallbearer line. That means bearers are often part of those service charges, but practice varies, so ask directly.

The rule also names pallbearers in its definition of a "cash advance item." That is a charge the funeral home arranges and passes on to you, and it can include other third-party items such as flowers, musicians, clergy honoraria and obituary notices. If the home marks up a cash advance item, or gets a rebate or discount on it, it has to tell you so on your itemized statement. If you see a pallbearer fee, ask what it covers and whether you can supply your own people instead.

Two other points from the rule help here:

• You have the right to buy only the goods and services you want. You do not have to accept a package.
• You can ask for the General Price List in person, and the home must give you prices over the phone if you ask.

How many pallbearers do you need?

Six is a common number, and some funerals use eight.

The right number depends on the casket, the route and the ground. A solid wood or oversized casket, stairs, a long walk or soft, uneven turf at a cemetery can all call for more help or a different approach. Your funeral director knows the venue and can tell you what is realistic. If you are using an unusually large casket, see our guide to oversized caskets.

Do not try to carry a casket with fewer people than the funeral director recommends. A fall is dangerous to the bearers and upsetting for everyone watching.

Who should you choose as pallbearers?

Pick people who were close to the person who died and who can carry a heavy load for a short distance. Typical choices include:

• Adult children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews
• Brothers, sisters and close friends
• Colleagues, teammates or fellow members of a club, congregation or lodge

Women and men are both asked. If you are choosing several people, try to pair bearers of similar height on opposite sides so the casket stays level.

Choose a couple of spare names in case someone cannot attend or is hurt before the service. Ask people who can attend the service itself, even if the funeral is not local.

How to ask someone to be a pallbearer

Ask in person or by phone as early as you can, and give a short, direct invitation. Something like "It would mean a lot to us if you would help carry [name]" works well.

Tell them the date, time and place, what to wear, and that the funeral director will give a short briefing beforehand. Let them know it is fine to say no. A person with a bad back, a heart condition or limited mobility should not feel pressured.

Wear flat, sturdy dark shoes. Cemetery grass can be wet or uneven, and high heels or smooth soles make a slip more likely. Our guide on what to wear to a funeral covers clothing more broadly.

What can honorary pallbearers do?

Honorary pallbearers take part without lifting. They may walk behind or beside the casket, sit in a reserved row, or be named in the program. This is a good way to include an older relative, a child or someone with a health condition. A friend of the person who died who is unable to travel can also be named honorary and mentioned in the order of service (see our funeral service order template).

What if you do not have enough people?

You have several options, and none of them is a failure.

1. Ask the funeral home for staff. Staff can fill gaps next to your own bearers. Ask what the charge is and where it appears on the price list.
2. Use a wheeled casket cart. Some funeral homes and cemeteries use a bier to move the casket, so bearers walk alongside with a hand on it instead of lifting. Ask whether it suits the venue.
3. Hold a service without carrying. If the casket is already in place at the chapel or the grave, nobody has to carry it during the service. Our guide on how to skip the graveside service explains that choice, and the funeral without a hearse guide covers other ways to simplify transport.
4. Choose an option with nothing to carry. For direct cremation there is no casket procession. Families sometimes name honorary bearers to walk with the urn or a photograph. NFDA projected a 63.4% US cremation rate for 2025, so many families now have a service without a casket procession.

Do military funerals include pallbearers?

Not as a required part. The VA says military funeral honors must include at least two uniformed members of the armed forces, with one from the veteran's branch of service, plus the folding and presenting of the flag and the playing of Taps. Veterans service organizations and other authorized partners may also help with detail such as a rifle party, pallbearers or escorts. Ask when you request honors, which a funeral director can do for you. Our guide to Taps at a military funeral explains the ceremony.

How do you thank pallbearers?

A handwritten note is the most common thank-you. Others include inviting them to sit with the family at the meal after the service, or a small keepsake that reminds them of the person. None of these is required.

What to do next

1. Ask the funeral home for its General Price List and check how it prices staff and pallbearers. Our guide to funeral home fees explains the usual line items.
2. Choose six or eight people, depending on the funeral director's advice, plus a few honorary names and a spare or two.
3. Ask them early, give them the details, and tell the funeral director who they are.
4. If you are buying a casket separately, ask the funeral home about its rules for outside caskets first.