Memorial Without a Funeral Home: How to Plan It and What It Costs

Yes, you can hold a memorial service without a funeral home. A memorial is held without the body present, so it can take place at home, in a park, at a community center or in a place of worship. The cremation or burial still has to be arranged, and in most cases that means a funeral home or cremation provider. Choosing direct cremation and planning the gathering yourself is a common way to keep costs down.

What counts as a memorial without a funeral home?

The National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA) describes a memorial service as a service held without the body present. It can take place shortly after the death or weeks or months later, and an urn may be displayed if the person was cremated. It can be formal or informal, with clergy, musicians and readings, or just stories from friends and family.

Doing it without a funeral home means you host the gathering yourself, instead of using a funeral home's chapel, staff and packages. The Funeral Consumers Alliance (FCA) says you can hold one at a religious institution, home, park, club, hotel or community center. Our guide to celebration of life vs memorial service explains how the labels differ.

What still needs a funeral home or licensed provider?

The memorial itself does not. The body does. Someone has to arrange the cremation or burial, get the death certificate and permits, and move the body. Most families do this in one of two ways:

• Direct cremation. The FTC Funeral Rule defines it as cremation without formal viewing, visitation or ceremony with the body present. A funeral home or cremation business handles the paperwork, transfer and cremation, and returns the ashes to you.
• Immediate burial. The same idea for burial, with no viewing or ceremony, except that a graveside service is allowed. See our direct burial cost guide.

Rules for families doing more themselves vary. The FCA says most states let private citizens obtain the death certificate and permits, but some crematories only accept a body through a funeral home. It lists nine states that require a funeral director: Connecticut, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Louisiana, Michigan, Nebraska, New Jersey and New York. If you plan to handle more than the memorial, see our guide to home funeral laws by state.

How much does it cost?

There are two separate bills: the cremation or burial, and the memorial. Here are recent price points for the first.

Prices differ a great deal even in one area, so call at least two providers and ask for the General Price List. Ask whether the quoted price includes the crematory fee and any refrigeration charges, as the Austin survey advises. Our guides to direct cremation and cremation society vs funeral home can help you compare.

The memorial's cost is up to you. It depends on the venue, whether you serve food, and what you spend on flowers, printing and music. A home or a place of worship that does not charge may cost almost nothing, while a hotel or hired hall will charge for the room. No national average exists, so get quotes. The splitter below can help you divide a budget between the two.

Where can you hold it?

The FCA's list is a good start: a place of worship, a home, a park, a club, a hotel or a community center. A library room, a garden or a favorite outdoor spot can also work. Before you book, ask each venue:

• How many guests does it hold, and is it accessible and close to parking?
• What does it charge, and is there a deposit or a permit for a public park?
• May you bring food, music, a slideshow or an urn?
• Are there rules about alcohol, candles or decorations?
• What time can you arrive to set up?

Our guides to funeral reception venues and celebration of life ideas have more suggestions.

How do you run it without a funeral director?

A funeral director normally handles the small jobs on the day. Spread them among people you trust.

1. Choose a host. A friend, a relative, a faith leader or a celebrant can welcome guests and introduce speakers. See our guides to celebrants vs ministers and the funeral service order template.
2. Set a simple order. Welcome, a reading or song, two or three short tributes, an open mic if you want one, then a closing.
3. Assign roles. Someone for greeting guests, someone for music and tech, someone for food, and someone to collect photos or cards.
4. Create a focal point. A memory table with photos, flowers and personal items works well, with the urn if you have one.
5. Think about people who cannot come. A livestream or recording lets distant relatives take part. See funeral live streaming.

When should you hold it?

There is no rule. The NFDA says a memorial can happen soon after the death or weeks or months later. Many families wait until relatives can travel or until they have the energy to plan. A later date also lets you shop for the cremation first and plan the memorial without time pressure. Some religious traditions have their own timing, so ask your faith leader.

Mistakes to avoid

• Booking a venue before the arrangements are made. Confirm the cremation or burial timeline first, especially if the ashes will be present.
• Skipping the price list. The funeral home must give you its General Price List, and you can buy only what you want. The FTC says you may decline items such as embalming where the law does not require them.
• Letting guilt set the budget. A lower-cost memorial is not a lesser one.
• Forgetting the paperwork. You will still need certified copies of the death certificate for banks and insurers. Ask the provider how to order them.
• Doing everything yourself. Ask friends to take specific jobs so the closest family can take part.

What to do next

1. Decide on cremation or burial, then call two or three providers for General Price Lists.
2. Choose a date and venue for the memorial and confirm what the venue allows.
3. Pick a host and assign the day-of jobs.
4. Use the funeral planning timeline to line up the dates.