Pre-Planning Your Funeral When You Are Single: Who Acts for You and How to Set It Up

If you are single and have no spouse or adult children, state law decides who arranges your funeral unless you name someone in writing. The most useful steps are to name an agent, write down what you want, keep copies where people can reach them quickly, and tell at least one person where they are. The FTC advises against putting funeral wishes in your will, because a will often is not found or read until after the funeral.

This guide explains who has the legal right to decide, who you can name, what to write down and where to keep it.

Who makes my funeral decisions if I have no spouse or children?

In the US, the right to control your remains comes from state law, not from who you were closest to. Each state has a priority list, and most put relatives first. If you are single, that list can lead to a sibling you rarely speak to, or to no one at all.

Two examples show how it works:

• New York: You can name an agent in a written document that is signed and dated by you and the agent and witnessed by two adults. That agent comes first. Without one, the order runs from spouse or domestic partner to adult children, parents and adult siblings, then a guardian, heirs, the estate's fiduciary, a close friend or relative who knows your wishes, and finally the county fiscal officer or public administrator.
• California: An agent named in a health care power of attorney comes first, followed by a spouse, adult children, parents, adult siblings and other relatives. A funeral director can only take over if no one qualified can be found and the public administrator has not assumed responsibility within seven days.

Other states differ in the details, so check your own. A funeral director, an estate attorney or your county public administrator's office can tell you how your state handles it.

If nobody on the list can be found or steps up, the public administrator or county arranges a basic burial or cremation. Our guide to a funeral when there is no family covers what that process looks like and who pays.

Who can I name to carry out my wishes?

You need someone who is willing, who is likely to outlive you and who can be reached quickly. Common choices are:

• A close friend, neighbor or faith-community member
• A cousin, niece or nephew, even if you are not close
• An attorney, or a professional fiduciary such as a trust company, who will usually charge fees

Ask before you name anyone, and name a backup in case your first choice cannot act. If you pick a friend, read our guides on appointing a funeral representative and on choosing a friend as executor, because the two jobs are different. An executor handles your estate after a will goes to court. Your funeral agent has to act within days.

What to write down

Put your choices in a plain document, dated and signed, that your agent can hand to a funeral home. Cover these points:

1. Burial or cremation, and what you want done with your remains afterward
2. The funeral home you prefer, or a note that your agent may choose one after comparing prices
3. Service or no service, and whether you want a memorial held later
4. Your agent and backup, with phone numbers
5. Faith, music, readings and anything you definitely do not want
6. Who to tell, including your employer, close friends and any group you belong to
7. Pets, home and accounts: who should care for your pets, where your keys are and where your documents are
8. Veteran status: if you served, note where your DD-214 discharge papers are

Our funeral wishes template gives a structure to follow, and the My Funeral Wishes Planner walks through each decision in order.

Where should I keep the plan?

The FTC gives two warnings:

• Do not put your preferences in your will, because a will often is not found or read until after the funeral.
• Do not keep your only copy in a safe deposit box, because your family may have to make arrangements on a weekend or holiday, before the box can be opened.

Its advice is to give copies to family members and your attorney, keep one somewhere easy to reach and tell people where the documents are. If you have no family, that means your agent, your attorney, your doctor and a trusted neighbor. Some people also keep a one-page note near the front door or on the refrigerator saying where the documents are, so first responders and a neighbor can find it.

Review the plan every few years, or after a move, a health change or a falling-out with the person you named.

Should I prepay for my funeral?

Not necessarily. The Funeral Consumers Alliance recommends planning ahead without paying ahead. It warns that refunds on prepaid plans may be incomplete if you cancel, that survivors may not know the plan exists, and that plans may not transfer if you move. As a safer alternative it suggests a payable-on-death account, which stays in your name and is paid to the person you choose when you die.

If you do prepay, the FTC says to ask:

• What exactly are you buying, goods only or services too?
• How is the money protected, and are you covered if the business closes?
• Can you cancel for a full refund?
• Can the plan be transferred if you move?

Prepaid contracts are regulated by states, so protections vary. Our guides to pre-paid funeral plans and payable-on-death accounts compare the options.

If you may need Medicaid or SSI in future, talk to an elder law attorney before you prepay. These programs treat revocable and irrevocable arrangements differently, and SSI, for example, excludes only up to $1,500 of burial funds from countable resources, and irrevocable arrangements reduce that limit dollar for dollar. Burial spaces have a separate exclusion.

What other documents go with your funeral plan?

A funeral plan covers what happens after death. These cover the time before it and the paperwork after:

• A health care power of attorney and advance directive. These name someone to make medical decisions if you cannot, and say what treatment you want. You can change them at any time, and you should give copies to your doctor and the person you name. See advance directive vs living will.
• A financial power of attorney for someone to pay bills if you are incapacitated. See power of attorney and funeral arrangements.
• A will and an executor. Without a will, state law decides who inherits, which matters when you have no close relatives. Read what an executor does and our guide to estate planning without children.
• A list of accounts and logins. Apple lets you name a Legacy Contact, who needs an access key you create and your death certificate, and who cannot see things like your saved passwords. Google's Inactive Account Manager lets you choose up to 10 people to be notified, or to receive data, after a period of inactivity that you set. Without a plan, Google says it may delete inactive accounts after two years.

If you served in the military, you can ask VA for a pre-need eligibility decision on burial in a national cemetery using VA Form 40-10007. It does not reserve a gravesite, but it tells your agent ahead of time whether you qualify. See national cemetery eligibility.

What to do next

1. Decide who you would want to carry out your wishes, and ask them.
2. Ask a funeral home, an estate attorney or your state's official site which form your state accepts for naming a funeral agent, and sign it with the required witnesses.
3. Write down your wishes and keep copies with your agent, your attorney and one at home.
4. Tell your agent and one other person exactly where the documents are.