What Is a Wake? Meaning, What Happens and Etiquette

A wake is a gathering before a funeral where family and friends come together to offer condolences, pray and remember the person who died. In US funeral industry usage it means the same as a visitation, viewing or calling hours, held with the body present. The word comes from keeping watch, and wakes are most closely tied to Irish and Catholic customs.

What is a wake?

The National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA) glossary defines a visitation as "a gathering held with the deceased's body present" and says it is also called a viewing, wake or calling hours. It is a time for family and friends to express condolences and support one another. Many wakes are held at a funeral home or a church shortly before the funeral, such as the evening before, but they can also be held at a family home or another venue.

Some people use "wake" for a gathering after the funeral, with food and stories, rather than before it. Wikipedia notes that many Western cultures now hold a reception after the funeral rather than a wake before it. If you are invited to a wake, check whether the body will be present and what time it is.

Where does the word "wake" come from?

The word goes back to keeping watch. Wikipedia says the verb meant "to remain awake, to keep watch," and that "wake" originally meant a prayer vigil. It says the idea that people watched in case the dead person woke up is a misconception.

In Ireland, wakes (tórramh or faire) typically lasted one or two days. The family kept a watch over the person in the home before burial. Customs included leaving windows open, covering mirrors, stopping clocks and keeping candles lit, and gatherings with prayers, food, drink, stories, music and sometimes dancing. Wikipedia describes the revelry as a way of "reasserting the life of the community in the face of death." Wikipedia says similar customs persist in northwestern Scotland and northern England. In Wales, the gwylnos was a similar gathering before the funeral.

How is a wake different from a funeral or a viewing?

There is no legal difference, and families use the words loosely. Our guide to wake vs viewing vs visitation sorts out the terms, and funeral service types compares them with funerals and memorials.

What happens at a wake?

There is no fixed order, and it varies by faith and family. A typical wake looks like this:

1. Guests arrive during the visiting hours listed in the obituary or on the funeral home's page.
2. They sign the guest book and greet the family.
3. The casket may be open or closed. Some people spend a moment at the casket or the photo display.
4. There may be a prayer service, a Rosary, a reading or a few tributes.
5. Guests talk quietly, look at photos and memorabilia and leave when they are ready.

At a Catholic wake, the vigil often includes prayers or the Rosary. Wakes in other communities may include music, food or a longer time of storytelling.

Not every tradition holds a wake. My Jewish Learning says open-casket viewing is not a traditional Jewish practice, and Jewish mourners instead sit shivah after the burial. In Japan, the Buddhist wake is called the otsuya, and Wikipedia says more families now forgo it.

How do you behave at a wake?

• Arrive and leave gently. You can come at any point in the visiting hours. Emily Post advises arriving on time and entering quietly.
• Dress respectfully. Emily Post says attire is not limited to black or dark gray. Choose something modest, and if the family has asked for a particular color, follow that.
• Sign the guest book. Add how you knew the person. It helps the family with thank-you notes later.
• Keep what you say short. Emily Post suggests "I am sorry for your loss" or "I am here for you," and sharing a fond memory if the family invites it. It advises against "everything happens for a reason" and "I know just how you feel."
• Silence your phone. Emily Post says phones should be silent and that photos should not be taken during the ceremony. Ask the family before posting anything online.
• Viewing the body is optional. You can greet the family without going to the casket.
• Children. Emily Post says children should be encouraged to attend ceremonies for a close relative if they are comfortable. Prepare them for what they will see.

Our guides to what to wear to a funeral, what to say at a funeral and funeral etiquette go into more detail. If you would like to send flowers, deliver them to the funeral home or the family's address in time for the visiting hours.

How do you plan a wake?

1. Decide whether you want one. It is optional. Ask whether your faith expects a vigil, and whether close family want time with the person first.
2. Set the day, time and place. The evening before the funeral is one common choice. The Funeral Consumers Alliance says a viewing can be held at the place of death, at home, at a church or at a funeral home.
3. Decide on open or closed casket, and public or private. The NFDA says any service option can include a private or public viewing. See open vs closed casket.
4. Plan what goes in the room. A guest book, a photo display, music, a short prayer or tributes, and any refreshments. Our memory table ideas and photo display guide may help.
5. Tell people. Put the hours, location and whether the casket will be open in the obituary or invitation.
6. Offer a way to join remotely. See live streaming a funeral for relatives who cannot travel.

How much does a wake cost?

There is no set price. If you hold it at a funeral home, the FTC Funeral Rule requires the General Price List to show separate prices for "use of facilities and staff for viewing," embalming and other preparation of the body, and the basic services fee, which you cannot decline. Funeral homes must give you these prices over the phone. A wake at a church, family home or hall may avoid the facility charge.

Embalming is not required by law in most cases, although many funeral homes require it before a public open-casket viewing as a matter of policy. The Funeral Consumers Alliance says a viewing can be held at the place of death, at home, at a church or at a funeral home. See viewing without embalming, funeral home fees explained and average wake duration.

What to do next

1. Ask your family and your faith leader whether a wake or vigil is expected.
2. Choose the place, date and hours, and decide on an open or closed casket.
3. Ask the funeral home for its General Price List and a quote for the viewing room.
4. Share the details with guests, and set out a guest book.